My Beloved Granny...

Even though my granny has four grandchildren and three great-grandchildren, I have always been her favourite grandchild. I do not really know why... Maybe it is because I was the first one? She has always been my beloved granny, too. We have always had this special relationship that I do not have had with anybody else.

I have so many great memories from my childhood years thanks to Her... I remember my granny when I was maybe 4, 5 years old. We used to play this game... She was getting down on her knees and let me ride on her back. I was screaming “faster, granny, faster!” and she would give me rides around her living room pretending to be a horse carrying a princess (me :).

Every time I came over to visit my granny, we would build a house under a table in her living room. We used chairs to make the house walls and a blanket to darken the “house” inside. My granny always crawled under the table to “visit” my little house and a have a cup of pretend tea with me.

She had a big magic box. It was full of buttons... There were hundreds of them inside... all in different sizes, shapes and colours. I used to play with them for hours trying to find and match two or three identical buttons. The box was truly magical to me...

My grandma is almost 82 now. She is in a perfect physical shape. Her heart and other organs are in perfect condition. There is just this one thing... She is suffering from the Alzheimer disease...

She has been on medication for few years now, but the disease slowly destroys her... She has good days but she has also been losing herself progressively... The disease is, unfortunately, degenerative and incurable... She suffers from memory loss and has difficulty in remembering recently learned facts. She becomes very confused during the day and sometimes does not know where she is. She becomes irritable, over-sensitive and moody. She can be very aggressive towards other people and accuses members of the family of stealing her money. She has mood swings and cries with no apparent reason only to laugh five minutes later...

A couple of last months were very difficult for everybody. My granny felt very bad and the state of her mental health was getting worse every day. She was rude to everybody and unbearable to be around. She could not remember who she was, where she was, where she lived... she could not remember whether she got her monthly pension money or whether she ate dinner or not. She could not even comprehend the idea of making herself something to eat... Everybody was worried about her, tired of the situation, exhausted from constantly ensuring her of virtually everything...

We all came to a decision that granny could not live alone anymore. My mom’s sister decided to bring granny to her house in Holland where she has lived for few years. First month was really tough... after awhile my auntie had just enough... grandma was feeling worse and worse... my auntie was becoming depressed, tired of the worsening situation and could not stand it anymore...

Nobody knew what to do... We started considering placing granny in a home for people who suffer from Alzheimer disease. I did some research regarding homes for elderly in Poland… Asked few people for their opinions, I read few blogs and forums… Discussions were highly-debated and, unfortunately, those who have never experienced people with Alzheimer disease and who have never had to deal with many dreadful and shocking situations were the ones who had the most things to say. I am not trying to justify any decision that my family will probably have to face in the future… All I am saying is that those people who really have no idea what it is like to take care of a person with Alzheimer disease, will always have something bad to say against those who have to make such difficult decisions…

Everybody was expecting the worst... We all anticipated that granny’s state would worsen even more... We were just waiting for the inevitable...

After doing some research, my uncle found a private home in our home town... It looked surprisingly good. I was expecting a typical home where elderly people just wait to die... Amazingly, that home is really nice... They have polite, respectful and professional staff of doctors and nurses offering 24h medical assistance... They offer many things for housemates: rehabilitation, physiotherapy, games and activities, tv room, sitting area, a chapel and a church not so far away from the house (which is very important to my granny)... all those elderly people who live there are engaged in many things, they are mentally stimulated and motivated almost all the time...

Because I live in England, I do not get to see my granny very often. That is why I decided to go to Holland and spend some quality time with her. I had booked a flight and, a few days later, I landed at the Eindhoven Airport. My auntie picked me up and we headed home... I was afraid my granny would be in a bad state, that she would not recognize me... But my auntie told me that granny had been feeling better lately and could not wait to finally see me...

The time I spent with granny was precious. She was happy, joyful and in high spirits all the time. Before she started living with my auntie, granny lived alone for few years. And that is probably one of the reasons why the disease was progressing so quickly. And all she needed was a bit of company... all she needed was just few people around her who would make her feel loved and secure...

We decided not to place granny in a nursing home. It would be too fast and it would be cruel. Not now... If her health worsens to the point where we just do not know what to do anymore, then we will see. This thing cannot be rushed. It needs to be thought about very carefully and it cannot be an impulse decision.

So for now, I just want to show her how much loved she really is and I want to enjoy every moment of her happiness and the slightest smile on her face... that is all that matters now...