Are We Still Friends?

What is the meaning of a friend?

According to the Modern Language Association, the word signifies a person 'attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard...a person who gives assistance... a person who is on good terms with another'. True and obvious. We all know it.

So what do friends do? they appreciate and value each other's company and are altruistically loyal towards one another. They like us, we like them back. They regard us with care and sincerity and so we trust them, too.

What is the meaning of MY friends, then?

Before I left my country 9 years ago, I had had dozens of friends. Good buddies, best mates, close and not-so-close friends. I was a very sociable, outgoing and happy person and used to see them almost every day of the week.

Has anything changed since then? Many things. First and foremost, I have grown up, matured, become more responsible. Today, I would not do many silly things I did several years ago when I was in my early twenties. But I think it applies to everybody. We all become more level-headed and rational with age.

Many years have passed. I have made new friends, rebuilt former friendships and stayed true friends with only a few. What about the rest? Well...

Some of my so-called "friends", who were rather close to my heart not that long ago, have completely forgot about my existence. They do not have the time to talk or write from time to time... I am not thinking about regular contacts, regular emails, not even mentioning regular phone calls. I am talking about sending few words to my mailbox every now and again... once a month... once every three months...

I know I could contact them myself. And I did. I called, sent emails, text messages, tried chatting on Skype. Numerous times. Some of my "friends" eventually reply with few words or chat for few minutes. Others (not pointing out any names here) cannot be even bothered to do that...

Some, like me, emigrated abroad few years ago. They did not even make an effort to write simple 'hello, how are you?'. It was a different story when they were about to leave the country. I was the source of many useful information about the life in the States. Boy, did they like me then! So they left and I heard from them twice (and only because I was the one who wrote to them first). It is hurtful because back in the good days we were rather good friends and used to hang out a lot.

Others have been trying to write an email to me for the past year and, apparently, cannot find the time to finish it... I am patiently waiting and wondering for how long I will have to wait for that email to finally hit my mailbox...

I understand that we are not 20 anymore, that everybody has their own families, work, duties... blah, blah, blah... Well, I have work, uni and other responsibilities, too. And I sometimes have difficulties to manage the time in my life and end up doing everything in a hurry. But I always find the time for my friends. It makes me think that if they were really interested in what happens in my life, if they really wanted to keep in touch, they would. It is as simple as that. I cannot be the one who always makes the first move. I cannot and I do not want to. And considering the fact that many of my "friends" do not even reply, I cannot be bothered anymore. Why should I? And so I don't anymore.

I have got several close friends, one best friend and I am perfectly happy about it. And for the rest... Why should I care about someone who does not give a damn about me? I don't give a damn about them, either. I simply do not care.

There. I said it.

I thought I would finish my post with this poem. Just to remind people what friends should be like:

A friend is a tender shoulder
On which to softly cry

A well to pour your troubles down

And raise your spirits high

A friend is a hand to pull you up
From darkness and despair

When all your so-called friends

Have helped to put you there

A true friend is an ally

Who can't be moved or bought

A voice to keep your name alive

When others have forgot...

Author unknown